Flannel May Be Warm And Fuzzy, But It’s Not Romantic

They used to say that clothes made the man or woman, but not everyone believes that anymore. People may dress up when going out, but the home front can be a sore for sighted eyes. Sure you want to be comfortable at home. Who wants to think about what to wear when no one can see you? No one except your sweetheart, that is. Clothes that are holey, frayed, billowing, bulging, or hanging aren’t sexy. Instead of wearing clothes that are worn and boring, try to find some that are stylish and comfortable. Maybe even just a little sexy.

And while you’re at it, just because you’re under the covers, it doesn’t mean that you’re invisible. Flannel may be warm and fuzzy, but it’s not romantic  . . . especially if there are layers upon layers of it. You don’t want to be chilly, but you also don’t want  to be unavailable. What you wear gives many messages, so be careful what you say when you climb into bed. You may have some new clothes that you’re saving because they’re too good to wear everyday. Since you can never tell how many days yo have left, and you’re certainly not getting any younger, take those clothes out of their plastic bags. Put them on your back or backside where they’ll do some good before they’re no longer your size.

Be A Person Of Your Word And Abide In Love

Stay in love and be a person of your word will build a fortress of trust in your relationship,  and that trust will allow you to truly savor the words of love and praise that are the hallmark of abiding love. So, aside from exceptions that are unavoidable: you promised to go to his collage reunion, and you came down with the flu the night before: you’d said you’d meet him at seven, but the car had a flat. Make every effort to mean and do what you say.

Words and the way our actions do or don’t stand behind their meaning have an incredible capacity to wound us or to heal us. In a very real sense, words create reality. We all invest one another’s words with our own hopes, fears, and expectations. Therefore, to keep your love alive, be a person of your word. Being a person of your word creates faith in a relationship. It means not only that you will keep your promises, but in a more general sense, that you will say what you intend  and then do what you say. 

Nothing can erode a relationship as consistently or as deeply as too many words that mean nothing. For many of us, the biggest betrayal in our lives are delivered in the form of words that aren’t true: “He said he was working late, but all the time, he was having an affair,” Your father promised to take you to Hawaii, but  he married your step mother and took her instead.” When they returned she told you that they had been in love with each other for many years but, your father had always said that they were just friends.

Since we’ve all been wounded by words, when we encounter unkempt promises, we can very quickly be shaken to the core. We’d like to believe that we can expect endless emotional resilience from our sweethearts, that it’s acceptable time and time again to not quite say what we mean or say something that turns out not to be true, but in reality, our hearts can only stand so many little white lies or unintentionally broken promises.

At some point we start taking note of the number of times our sweetheart doesn’t do what he or she says and without even noticing we begin not to listen, not to trust even the things they may still really mean. If you want to keep the flames of love burning then  try to make every effort to mean and do what you say. Be a person of your word and you will abide in love.

Trust Your Sweetheart

Trust develops trust. Acknowledging that you trust the person you love with your life, with your heart, your body, your talents, your fears, your children, your worldly good, invites him or her to become even more worthy of that trust. In a wonderful upward spiral, the compliment of trust encourages even more trustworthiness. To trust means that we start from the position of believing that our sweetheart is motivated by a deep concern for us, that he or she in spite of occasional missteps or mistakes, truly has our well-being in mind. When we trust, we believe that the other loves us dearly and intends to love us well and long. Trust imagines the best: trust expects the happiest possible outcome. Trust serves with joy in the expectation that trust will be returned.

Just as trust engenders trust, doubt, its opposite, creates more suspicion. The more you suspect, expect and imagine that your sweetheart doesn’t love you and doesn’t want to care for you properly, the more it will become impossible for him or her to scale the wall of your doubt to give the gift of love, the blessing of undying affection. But trust comes from more than your own state of mind. It developed in response to the actions, words, and ways of the person you are choosing to trust. Trust is delicate, easily damaged, it can be destroyed by a single sentence of spirit-crushing attack, on thoughtless night of betrayal, a passel of lies. In matters of trust, we are the guardians of one another’s psyches and we must take the creation of trust as a serious responsibility. 

Therefore ask the best of yourself and your sweetheart after all you are worth it. Be trustworthy yourself and show integrity with your actions, intentions, and words so that you are able to create an atmosphere of trust that will last a lifetime. With all that being said, if you are in a relationship and you know that your sweetheart  isn’t trustworthy then consider getting counseling or ending the relationship. Remember if you can’t trust your sweetheart you would be able to experience  true love. Don’t let an untrustworthy person rob you of that.

Honor Your Sweetheart

When we fall in love we give ourselves over to the charms of our sweetheart, and surrender ourselves to the mysteries of union. That is when everything changes. Through each nuance of behavior, whether a kiss, a conversation, the income taxes, or making love, you are asked to take account of your sweetheart, but also of your relationship. That’s because when you fall in love, there’s another spiritual entity its the “we,” “us” that is brought into being. Although it’s invisible, it is utterly alive, vibrant, vivid, and unique; continuously present as a discrete though subtle energetic essence.

You can feel it when you’re alone together as the mysterious unified play of your two energies. You can recognize it when you present yourselves to the world, as arm in arm you enter a room and create a wave of response. It’s the constellation of ideas and points of view that as a pair, you embody, the joy that, as a couple, you bring to all those around you. It is neither the sum of both nor a negation of either of you. It is neither the sum of you both nor a negation of either of you. It is the mystical interaction by which an additional identity is created, where one plus one equals three not two. 

It is the entity relationship, the embodiment of opposites attracting, then uniting; strangers gathered at the same hearth; lovers, together, under the stars, bidding good night to the day that we acknowledging when we speak of ourselves as a “couple,” “Mr and Mrs.” “my sweetheart and I,” It meant so much to us to go to Paris .” We had a wonderful time at the party last night.” And this entity, like the individuals in it, must also be nourished. When you honor your relationship by speaking adoringly of it to others, by treating your sexual relationship as a sacred bond, by standing fast together in time of turmoil and sorrow, you strengthen the power of your union. You nourish the “we” as the precious being it is.Celebrate the unique, unrepeatable identity it has, and reweave the blanket of love that will warm and protect your union always.

They Say Love Conquers All

They say that love conquers all, but that’s not really true. Some burdens are so heavy that even love gives way. Sometimes love does grow stronger because of adversity: sometimes you don’t appreciate what you have until you’re in danger of losing it. So don’t stall. Give it your all today before something goes wrong, before you have regrets, before you begin to be overwhelmed with guilt.

A few years ago I made friends with a  very nice lady who had  lost their entire family to the Holocaust and the one thing that she said that really struck a nerve was  no matter how happy you are today, tragedy can strike at any moment. Even if you do draw together because of tragic events, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the tragedy won’t win in the end.  Then I thought to myself  that’s  depressing  but then she went on to say the love you give today won’t protect you from some horrible event, but it will be felt by both of you and it can never be taken away.

This was the tip that she passed on to me: If you’re not the demonstrative type, don’t let that stop you from sharing the feeling you have for those you love. Send a text, post a hello on their Facebook wall, send a little love note from Blue Mountain .com. Be creative and go out of your way to do something special for them. If they’re close to you, they’ll get message.

“He Says, She Says”

Fighting isn’t necessarily bad, nor is it necessarily good. It’s common enough  and hopefully short-lived.  Anger festers, boils, seethes, and burns everything it touches. Communications attempted under fire are doomed from ever reaching their objective . . . the rational mind of your sweetheart. The words may come pouring out, but that doesn’t mean they’re understood especially if the mood is sour or angry. If you have to raise your voice, you’re not communicating. You may be getting something off your chest. You may need the relief. But if the other person is feeling defensive, then your message isn’t going to get through to them. 

Don’t worry about an occasional flare-up, but do something if the fire under the cauldron never goes out. Constant bickering wears down both parties and wears love out. If you’re always at the boiling point, try to figure out why. You may be taking it out on your sweetheart, but the source of your displeasure may be far from the home front. Acknowledging the reason your anger is boiling up will allow you to explain to your sweetheart why you’re in a bad mood. And if it’s something your sweetheart is doing, then try to work things out before the anger gets out of control or eventually your sweetie will be saying goodbye to you.

Love Your Sweetheart With Words And Gestures

Sometimes words get in the way. Sometimes they don’t say enough. Sometimes they get stuck in the back of your throat. But just because your tongue  is tied doesn’t mean you’re off from each other. It’s great to say those three magical words< “I love you,” but there ate many other ways to let your sweetheart know how you feel. You can say an awful lot with a look, a touch, a smile, a frown, a thoughtful gesture, a shrug, a favorite meal, a changed diaper, a silently paid bill , a remembered anniversary, or a bouquet of flowers.

You can also communicate negative thoughts in theses silent ways, like leaving dirty socks on the floor or not calling to say you’ll be late. Sometimes such thoughtlessness is only carelessness, though even then there’s an unspoken message. So let your sweetheart  know how you feel, what’s in heart, and what’s on your mind . . .  in words and gestures. If you’re careful how you choose your word, be just as careful in the gestures that you make. Just because nobody hears the tree falling in your forest of love, the effect of the thud will still be felt.

Is Love Really Better When It Sneaks Up On You?

Spontaneous romantic moments are wonderful so grab them when  they come your way. But is love really better when it sneaks up on you? Can’t an hour or so be just as romantic if it is foreshadowed by texting  sweet nothings to your sweetheart? There is one ingredient that spontaneous romance lacks and that is anticipation.

If you know in advance that at a particular hour you’ll be staring into each other’s eyes, you  can interrupt your day with thoughts about those up coming moments. They by the time you’re in each others arms, the experience will be that much sweeter.

Plus, planned romance lacks one of spontaneous romance’s side effects: rejection. ” I’m just not in the mood” or “But it’s the biggest game of the year” are excuses you won’t hear when the appointed hour arrives.  So grab those spontaneous moments when they come your way, don’t count on them for building your very own love shack. Make certain that you stow away some precious hours for each other. The interest you earn waiting will be well above the prime.

Tip: While scheduling may be essential to the good health of your love life, make sure that your planning includes variety. A date for the two of you to get together that always falls at the same moment of the week can become boring. Make sure to add a good dose of variety to your scheduled encounters in terms not only of time, but also of place and activities.

Would You Renew Your Wedding Vows?

A promise is a promise right? If you swore to love for life once why do it again?  The first answer could be: Why not? What harm could it do? Is it the vow itself that is the question? Ah, there’s the rub. You walked down the aisle together once. It was a great day; so great that it could never be repeated. And the knot you tied that day became a gnarl of attachment: kids, deeds, photo albums, possessions galore. So how could you ever part? But if you had to do it all over again, would you? That’s the question that begs answering when second or third wedding vows are on the horizon.

If the answer is “Yes,” then sure, say “I do, I do, I do.” If you answer is “I don’t know, ” then don’t ignore the warning signs. Your feelings for each other will have changed over the years; that’s only natural. But would you describe those feelings as being love? Even if you don’t hate each other, do you love each other? That’s not saying that if you’re not at a point where you would hesitate to renew your marriage vows that you should break up. Only that maybe you shouldn’t ignore the state of your marriage. Talk about it. Get help, if you need to. Make the needed improvements to your relationship so that the next time the question is asked, you’ll both say yes.

Tip: Not long ago there were eight hundred couples that renewed their marriage vows. It was a wonderful event , especially because it took place on Valentine’s Day. But while everyone had a great time , this was really a marketing gimmick put on by the cruise line. It’s what you do for each other the other 364 days that really renews those vows and keeps the relationship on solid ground. Think about it this way your love is like a garden and unless you tend to it, you’ll never reap the full rewards that love can bring.

Remember Your Song

Remember the song the band played at your wedding?  Or the car radio blasted on your way to the beach? Or the violinist serenaded you with at your favorite Italian restaurant? Of all the sounds that fill the air, piercing through the cacophony of life, this time provides the two of you with the most joyous noise of all. Sometimes love requires occasional peace and quiet to prosper, it can also thrive surrounded by some uplifting songs.

Don’t allow your song to disappear into the ether. Use it to communicate the love you have for each other; maybe even play it every day. Perhaps you could use it to wake up to once in a while or listen to it right before you go to bed. Use it as the background of your voice mail. Whistle it while you’re preparing dinner. That all sounds real good doesn’t it?  Yes, it can be hard to do while keeping up with the demands of family life but don’t let too much time pass before you rekindle those old feelings.  or else your song can become forgotten forever.

Other may share your song, but when you set the music playing, for that moment it’s all yours, not just for one of you, but both of you. The notes can help tie you closer together, and the more you play it, the tighter the ties that bind will be. Once again if you have a house full of small children you might have to play your song between watching Cat in The Hat and were’s Johnny’s shoes?  Do what ever it takes to remember your song!

While music is meant to be heard, it can also be written. There’s a woman in  New York who writes the words to songs on post cards and mails them to her husband now and then. Whether you write your song on a  post card or in another form, like stationery. You can show your love for your song and your love of your sweetheart by displaying  a copy of your song somewhere special as a reminder to celebrate the exceptional which is your love for each other.